What's Your Point of Reference?
Before we come to the conclusion on this, let me tell you a story. A Real Story...
It's not a fairytale but it does involve a girl and a boy, their world and then another world which is full of people (some are known to them and most of them are unknown). Every now and then; they would have to move out of their world and go to another world because they grew up learning Darwinian evolutionary theory which forced them to be present there superficially. They knew this was important because the other world was the point of reference for them; but in different ways:
For a Boy: it was important because he thought this is how you know how better you are in the other world
For a Girl: it was important because she thought this is how you know how better your own world is.
Both were somewhat satisfied with the fact that they cannot be perfect and there is always room for growth and improvement. Well, since everything needs to have a point of reference, their satisfaction also had it's own... a dissatisfaction. Both were carrying a dissatisfaction that there was something incomplete in their life... something that was needed to fill a gap they didn't know why it was there in the first place.
Luckily, one fine day, while pondering upon their dissatisfaction, both of them ran into each other. They had seen each other before quite often but never like this. The only difference this time was that they met each other at the moment when they felt something was missing in their life. They spent few minutes together, then next day few hours and then few days and finally realised that they are made for each other. As usual, they began going out in the other world and come back in their own world. Boy would talk about what he did out there to let people know he is better than them and the girl would talk about what she learnt from other people and implemented in her own world to make herself feel better. For a boy, it did not make any sense because nobody could see her world and for a girl, boy's actions did not make any sense because what he was doing out there was not making any impact in his own world. So before they could decide to marry each other, they part their ways.
Slowly and gradually, time passed. They would often run into each other while travelling out to the other world but always avoided eye contact. They moved on still holding that need to fill the unknown gap in their life and ended up marrying someone else.
This is what actually happens. My observation about people on earth is that when there is a problem in front of them, they look for something that gives them relief and something that distracts them. There are very few (I mean, extremely rare) people who try to resolve the problem. Your kid is not doing well in studies, put him for extra classes. You don't like your boss, say bad words for him behind his back. You feel lonely, fill up a glass and there you go... bottoms up. Is the problem actually resolved? No.
Coming back to the girl and a boy who were busy building their "better life" soon realised that they were not with the right partners. That incomplete feeling was still there. Why they were not happy? What is it that they were doing wrong? Thinking about these questions on their way to the other world, they both again ran into each other but this time they didn't avoid eye contact. Their tearful eyes met and that gaze into each other's eyes started untangling every messed up thought they were holding within. In that silence gaze, a moment of realisation appeared which gave them answer to their problem.
That realisation was: All this while they thought their point of reference was the other world but they were so wrong. In reality, their point of reference had always been their superficial self that they were presenting in the other world comparing themselves to the collective superficiality formed by the other people; not knowing that those people were also travelling everyday from their world to that world putting their best superficial self.
The reason for this realisation for a girl and a boy was that; in that very moment of eye contact, they were in their real self. They came close and fell in each other's arms feeling so comfortable as if they were home.
The problem was resolved.
From that moment onwards their point of reference became their own world. They understood that life does not have to be about how better you are in the other world but it should be about how comfortable someone else would feel in your world. Whether someone would say that your world is worth living in? Everybody you see out there is not who they are. Their real self is also looking for a better world to live in but they are also making the same mistake what girl and a boy did. They are comparing their life with collective superficiality of the world which is endlessly hollow.
So... what's your point of reference?
Random conversation with Billei:
Human: Hey Billei... what happened to the girl and a boy after that?
Billei: Oh right... I forgot to mention that part. They left their partners and are happily married now. They have built a better world together in which they happily live.
Human: What does it look like? Their better world...
Billei: Well, no matter how I explain it, I would be selling it short. But if I ask this question to myself whether I want to build such world? I would say, Yes, I would. Maybe with little changes here and there that accommodates my wishful thinking.
Human: Any advice for us to create our point of reference?
Billei: It varies for everyone. All I can say is that never be known for a life that you never wanted to live.